1 Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk in front of me for I may not follow.Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.In fact, just p*** of and leave me alone.
2 Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you are not getting any.
3 No one is listening to you until you break wind.
4 Always remember you are unique. Just like everyone else.
5 Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6 If you think nobody cares whether you are alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7 If at first you don't succed then skydiving is not for you.
8 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit on a boat and drink beer all day.
9 If you lend somebody £20 and never see that person again, it was a good investment.
10 If you always tell the truth you do not have to remember anything.
11 Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
12 Don't worry it only seems kinky the first time.
13 Good judgement comes from bad experience and most of that comes from bad judgement.
14 A closed mouth gathers no foot.
15 There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.Neither works.
16 Generally speaking you are not learning much when your lips are moving.
17 Experience is something you do not get until after you need it.
18 We are born naked, wet and hungry and get slapped on our behind. Then things just keep getting worse.
19 Never under any circumstances take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.
Ky
